Psychic Shuffle
by Dimitri's.Smexi.Shewolf
Summary: After Love Fades, Mine Has, Rose doesn't run to Adrian's room, she goes back to hers. After a week of painful solitude, Lissa convinces her to leave her room and have fun on her annual karaoke night. Truths, and lies, are revealed by songs that the seemingly psychic iPod chooses.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! Vampire Academy and all the characters belong to Richelle Mead. **_**(Wish I owned Dimitri though... :'( )**_

**Okay, hey guys.  
The first couple of paragraphs come from **_**Spirit Bound**_**, but with a few little changes. Hope you enjoy this!**

"I've given up on you", he said back, voice also soft. "Love fades, mine has."  
I stared at him in disbelief. All this time, he'd never phrased it like that. His protests had always been about some greater good, about the remorse he felt over being a monster or how it had scarred him from love. _I've given up on you. Love fades, mine has._

I backed up; the sting of those words hitting me as hard as if he'd slapped me. Something shifted in his features, like maybe he knew how much he'd hurt me. I didn't stick around to see. Instead, I pushed myself out of the aisle and ran out the doors in the back, afraid that if I stayed any longer, everyone in the church would see me cry.

I didn't want to see anyone after that. I ran back to my room as quickly as I could, hardly noticing the people in my path. ... Love fades... that was something else. It meant that we would die, going pale until it crumbled and drifted away like dried up leaves in the wind. The thought of it caused a pain in my chest and stomach, and I curled up on my bed, wrapping my arms around myself as though that might lessen the hurt. I couldn't accept what he had said. I couldn't accept that somehow, after his ordeal, his love for me had gone away.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, ignoring Lissa's message through the bond; _come join me_. She didn't know what had happened. She hadn't noticed me run from the church. That didn't surprise me at all, after how she had been ignoring me lately. Hurt me, yes. Surprise, no.

All through the night I stayed there, not sleeping, just listening to the seconds tick past on the clock beside my bed. Each second that passed me by was one less I would have to live without Dimitri. I wondered how many more I would have to endure.

After 32,457 seconds, I heard a gentle knock at the door. I felt a flicker through the bond. Lissa. I croaked out something that sounded vaguely like 'go away', but since I had forgotten to lock my door she came in anyway.  
When she saw me, huddled on the unmade bed, she stopped for a second. Shock flittered through the bond, followed by sympathy. She came over to me, and sat down on the bed. Wrapping her arms around me, I cried into her shoulder as she stroked my hair. She didn't try to tell me that everything would be okay, because she knew what had happened. Sydney had been in the church and witnessed the entire scene, and had told Lissa the whole thing.

We stayed like that for what seemed another infinite amount of time, but after what my traitorous clock told me had only been a few hours, she pulled away.  
"Oh, Rose. What are we going to do with you?"

"Kill me." I croaked out, I don't think I've ever gone this long without talking before.

"Rose Hathaway, look at me. I know this is bad now, and it feels like you're dying inside, but you can't think like that. I need you, we need you, and whatever he might have said, Di-"

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that to me." I hissed, pain colouring the words.

We stayed silent for a minute, until she stood up, a guilty look on her face.  
"Look- I, I have a meeting that I have to go to, about the age law. I need to go now, but is there anything I can bring you? Anything you need, food, something to drink..?"  
I choked out a laugh. As if I cared about food. She turned to go. On second thoughts...  
"Wait, Liss. Could you bring me vodka? The strongest you can find."

"Rose, I-" Lissa stopped talking and looked at me again, scrutinising my appearance. I must have really looked terrible, as her next words were; "You sure?"

I nodded, and she sighed in defeat. Leaving the room, she came back a few minutes later with 3 bottles of vodka. I raised my eyebrows, I hadn't asked for more than one.  
"You look like you could use some company, and the more the merrier, right? I mean, if they work as friends for Adrian..."

Any other time I would have laughed at Lissa actually insulting anyone, but I was too depressed.  
"Thanks Liss."  
She left with a goodbye, and I got acquainted with my new 'friends'...

**This is my first story, so sorry if there are any weird formatting issues. Not really sure what's going to happen, so I'll just hope for the best :)  
I actually have the whole story finished on my computer, so the next chapters should be up soon, depending on how well I can actually use this site.  
Hopefully, I'll have a couple of other stories ready for you soon as well.**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING **

**Thanks so much to the people who reviewed and asked for updates, you make me smile :)  
Here's the next chapter!**

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3 days later, and I had barely moved from my bed. My real friends had been coming here every so often to see how I was doing, but Lissa hadn't let anyone in. She had been spending as much time here as she could, doing the things I didn't have the heart to do for myself, like reminding me to eat. The first time in my life that Rose Hathaway had gone more than 12 hours without consuming something, other than alcohol of course.

Then again, over the past 3 days I had done a lot of things that Rose Hathaway had never done. Cried over a guy, drunk to forget, doubted myself. I was slowly losing myself. Who I was had shattered when_ he_ told me that he had given up on me. If he had given up, then who was I to question that? He always knew me better than I knew myself.

Finally, Lissa told me she'd had enough. She took the nearly empty bottle of vodka from my hands and dragged me into the bathroom, where she forced me to shower for the first time in days.  
When I walked back into the bedroom, I could see her rummaging through my wardrobe, pulling out a beautiful red dress that stopped about 4 inches above the knee.

"What, exactly, are you doing with that? It looks a bit big for you." Whoa, sarcasm. That shower must have been magic.

"You, Rose, are going to wear this dress to my dorm, where our best friends and Adrian, your_ boyfriend_ will be waiting to check that you're still alive. On the outside, at least." She said after a second's thought.

"What are we going to do?" I wasn't really interested; of course, I just wanted to know so I could think of an excuse.

"We will be having fun, Rose, having a laugh that you so badly need. You've been wallowing long enough, and did you actually look in the mirror? You're wasting away, Rose! After just 4 days of not eating, what if you stay like this for any longer? I will not lose my best friend, Rose! You're not the only one in a breakup, you know!"  
Shit. I forgot about Lissa and Christian. And something about her tone of voice must have shocked me into agreeing, as an hour later, I found myself being dragged across the quad to the Moroi dorms.

When we entered Lissa's room, every one of my friends inside the room stopped their conversations and stared at me for a few seconds, shock and pain evident on their faces as they took in my appearance.

Lissa had done her best with my hair, but it was still hanging in limp half-waves to my lower back, my eyes appeared to have sunk into my skull, and my once figure-hugging dress was baggy around my once-coveted curves. But I knew worst of all were my eyes themselves. Dark, bloodshot and devoid of life, shining only with pain they assessed the room around me.

After a few seconds of total silence, Adrian stepped forward and took me into his arms.  
"Little Dhampir. I missed you so much. The world is a darker place without you casting light on it." He was drunk. Well, that made 2 of us.

"I missed you too Adrian." I lied. I hadn't thought about him once since the church until Lissa mentioned his name as we were leaving. I only felt slightly guilty, the pain inside me wouldn't allow for any other emotion. After this all my other friends came forward and hugged me, gently, as if I would break if they held me too hard. Not that it mattered. I was already broken.

As I stepped out of Eddie's embrace, I noticed a dark shape in the corner, and as soon as I acknowledged this fact, he raised his head and met my eyes. I had thought I couldn't feel any worse, but as I looked into Dimitri's eyes the pain in me increased tenfold. In them I saw shame, pain, and horror. So he didn't like seeing me like this? Good. He needed to know what he had done to me. With an immense effort, I tore my eyes away from his gaze and focused on Lissa's.  
"Why?" I asked softly, brokenly.

"The only way he is allowed to be away from his guards is if I and one other Guardian are here, in case he 'turns evil again'." She rolled her eyes, but regret flashed through the bond as she realised she was making light of a bad situation. "Sorry, Rose. But it's going to happen soon. Better now than when you're being forced to work together, when you get back on duty, that is."

I seriously couldn't see that happening any time soon, but I nodded meekly anyway and sat down in the circle, as far away from Dimitri as possible. Unfortunately, this landed me opposite him, where I had the best view of his perfect face. _No, Rose. He doesn't love you anymore. He's given up on you. _I told myself over and over.

Lissa's voice to my left cut into my mental chastisement.  
"So, we are going to be playing Spin the Bottle Karaoke." Christian, Eddie and I groaned. Mia clapped her hands and squealed, and Dimitri and Adrian looked unimpressed.  
"Ok, so, the rules are that going round the circle you flip a coin. If you get heads, you sing a duet, if tails, you sing solo. Once that is decided, you either have to dedicate your solo to someone, or spin the bottle to see who you are singing with. Then you come up and click shuffle on my iPod to see what song you get to sing. Get it?"

We all nodded in agreement. Most of us had played this before; it was one of Lissa's favourite games.

"OK, I'll start." Lissa flipped the coin, and it landed on heads. She then turned to Adrian.  
"Have you got an empty bottle we could use?" He shook his head, pulling out a half full vodka bottle. "Only this, sorry." He apologised.

"Not a problem." I said, leaning across the circle, snatching the bottle from his hands. I knocked the alcohol back in a couple of swigs, and put it into the centre of the circle. It was pretty strong stuff and burned my throat, but after drinking nothing else for 4 nights, I could manage.  
My little trick had earned me a few strange looks from my friends, but I shrugged and sat back down on the floor. With a disapproving look, Lissa reached out and spun the bottle. Respective of my luck this week, it landed on me.

"Yay Rose!" She shouted, putting her hand up for a high-five. I left her hanging, muttering a sarcastic 'yay' back at her. In true Lissa style, she ignored me and went over to the iPod. Her mood changed once she saw what song she had been given.

"What is it, Lissa? It can't be that bad." I asked, in response to the feelings through the bond.

"Uh, Pearl, by Katy Perry." I understood her reason for the mood swing. That song. Oh, the irony.

"Well let's get on with it then." It's not like it was going to change by avoiding it.

_**Lissa She is a pyramid  
But with him she's just a grain of sand  
This love's too strong like my cement  
**_That's true. The last few days I have felt so insignificant.

_**Rose Squeezing out the life that should be let in  
**_It feels like there is a vice around my heart, squeezing the life out of me.

_**Lissa She was a hurricane  
But now she's just a gust of wind  
She used to set the sails of a thousand ships**_

_**Rose Was a force to be reckoned with  
**_He had even said that to me at one point. Now he had put himself against me.

_**Lissa She could be a Statue of Liberty  
She could be a Joan of Arc  
**_I'm not afraid to sacrifice myself for those I love. I fought for freedom so many times.

_**Rose But he's scared of the light that's inside of her  
So he keeps her in the dark  
**_He used to call me his light in the dark, but now his Strigoi darkness has made his heart cold, and the Spirit darkness creeps up on me.

_**Lissa Oh, she used to be a pearl, oh  
Yeah, she used to rule the world, oh  
Can't believe, she's become a shell of herself  
**_That is so true it's scary. All the things that made me Rose, my fire, has been extinguished._**  
'Cause she used to be a pearl**_

_**Rose She was unstoppable  
Move fast just like an avalanche  
**_I doubt if I got in a fight now I could beat even the weakest of Novices still at the academy._**  
But now she's stuck deep in cement  
Wishing that they never ever met  
**_Was that true? If anyone asked me, I'd say yes, but in reality, nothing would make me regret the time I spent with Dimitri, I'm glad to have had that love in my life, even the pain.

_**Lissa She could be a Statue of Liberty  
She could be a Joan of Arc **_

_**Rose But he's scared of the light that's inside of her  
So he keeps her in the dark**_

Oh, she used to be a pearl, oh  
Yeah, she used to rule the world, oh  
Can't believe, she's become, a shell of herself  
'Cause she used to be a

_**Lissa Do you know that there's a way out  
There's a way out, there's a way out, there's a way out  
You don't have to be held down  
Be held down, be held down, be held down  
'Cause I used to be a shell  
**_Through the bond, and the fact that she had been my best friend for ever, I could tell that she was done letting Christian push her around and not trust her.

_**Rose Yeah, I let him rule my world,  
my world, oh yeah  
**_Lissa's strength and resolve was flooding into me, and I wanted some of it.

_**Lissa But I will come and grow strong  
And I can still go on, and no one can take my pearl  
You don't have to be a shell, no  
You're the one that rules your world, oh  
You are strong and you'll learn that you can still go on  
And you'll always be a, a pearl **_

_**Both She is unstoppable  
**_I am unstoppable.

We were both breathing heavily, gripping the hairbrushes we'd both picked up and started to sing into like microphones somewhere during the song. There was silence for a moment until everyone started clapping, and Lissa and I hugged.

"Whoa, guys! How have you got even better since the last time you sang?" Mia asked incredulously.

"Because it's Rose. She's beautiful in every way." Said Adrian with a wink. I half-smiled back.

_The comeback is starting _Lissa told me through the bond.  
She had to go and say it. She had just reminded me that there was something that I had to come back from in the first place. Pain and fear washed over me once again, dousing the spark of fire that had just kindled inside me.

I sat back down in my chair, and the now-familiar weight returned to my shoulders.  
Sensing my change in mood, Lissa spun the bottle quickly, and it landed on Adrian.  
"Ok, Adrian, flip the coin to see if you go alone or with someone else."  
He did, and landed on heads. He would be doing a duet. Spinning the bottle, I saw him murmuring something. I hoped that it was not my name; I so did not want to have to sing again. Surprise surprise, my wish was not granted.

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**OK, so long chapter there. Depending on how much dialogue or different POVs, the chapter lengths will probably vary. But the next few are long ones.**

**VA belongs to Richelle Mead, and Pearl belongs to Katy Perry.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer! I OWN NOTHING!**

**Hey everyone. Thanks to the people who reviewed, you are all lovely :) Though fitting 'Moves Like Jagger' into this story may be a bit hard, I'll try and put it in one of the other stories I'm writing, cuz it'd be really funny :P  
So this chapter has both Rose and Dimitri point of view, each of the same song that she sings.  
Enjoy :) **

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"Rosie!" Shouted Christian, earning glares from the girls, not including me. It proved how out of it I was that I didn't go and slap him in the face. I didn't care what anyone called me. It would never be _Roza_ again... I mentally shook myself, and went to stand with Adrian over by the iPod. My _boyfriend_ Adrian. Get a grip Rose, one side of me said. Fuck off, said the other half.

He clicked the button, and the next song can onto the screen. Broken Arrow- Pixie Lott. Aaw shit. This song was like my life right now. Seriously, was this freaking iPod psychic, or what?  
Adrian apparently didn't know this song, but when Lissa pulled the lyrics up on the computer, he didn't look too happy. I wouldn't be if I were him.

Still, I picked up the 'microphone', and got ready to sing as the music started. I had my own problems. Running through the lyrics in my head, I realised how awkward this was going to be for Adrian, me and Dimitri. Not that I really cared about inflicting a little pain on him after what I had been going through. This song would sum up our little triangle pretty well...

_**Rose What do you do when you're stuck,  
Because the one that you love,  
Has pushed you away,  
**_Good question. So far, I haven't found an answer. I directed these lines at Dimitri, wanting to see his reaction._**  
And you can't deal with the pain,  
**_Was that a flash of regret in his eyes? For the next line, I looked at Adrian._**  
And now you're trying to fix me,**_

_**Adrian Mend what he did,**_

_**Rose I'll find the piece that I'm missing,  
But I still miss him,  
**_I felt bad singing this in front of Adrian, so I tried to keep the emotion out of my eyes, but it was so hard. It was so true, and I wasn't sure if Lissa had told everyone what had happened, but I knew that Adrian would see the truth in my aura, depending on how much he'd drunk._**  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
Oh I miss him, I miss him I'm missing him  
And you're **_

_**Adrian sitting in the front row,  
Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
**_I really had been trying to let go of Dimitri, when I came back from Russia, I had given Adrian a real chance and had been making progress, but now I feared that had all been messed up._**  
But his love is still in me,  
Like a broken arrow.  
Like a broken arrow.  
He's the thorn in my flesh**_

_**Adrian That I can't take out  
**_Adrian glared at Dimitri, leaving no doubt _just_ how hard he was trying.

_**Rose He's stealing my breath  
When you're around,  
**_I was sure Adrian already knew this, but I could see it still hurt to see it confirmed by me._**  
And now you're trying to convince me,**_

_**Adrian He wasn't worth it,  
**_That was supposed to be my line, but Adrian jumped in, glad for any opportunity to insult Dimitri, who in turn looked more than a bit pissed off.

_**Rose But you can't complete me,  
**_The sadness and disappointment on Adrian's face was killing me._**  
It's the thought that he's missing,  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
**_And the pain now showing through Dimitri's crumbling Guardian face just made me want to curl up in a corner and never show my face to the world ever again. NO. I am Rose Hathaway, I've been breaking hearts all my life, why should these 2 be any different?  
_**Oh I miss him I miss him, I'm missing him,  
And you're **_

_**Adrian sitting in the front row,  
Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
But his love is still in me,  
Like a broken arrow.**_

_**Adrian Like a broken arrow.**_

_**Rose What do you do  
When your hearts in two places?  
You feel great but you're torn inside.  
**_Feel great? I said that in the most sarcastic tone I could manage, whilst pulling a 'really?' face, because let me tell you, being torn up inside did not feel great.  
**(A/N I'm not sure if the word is actually 'great' or 'pain'. It's hard to hear, and all lyrics websites say different things. Soz.)**

_**Adrian You feel love but you just can't embrace it,  
When you found the right one at the wrong time.  
**_That was also my line. Was this Adrian's way of telling me that he was 'the one' for me? He had said it before, but if it carried on like this, I would have an all out fight between the guys on my hands. Not that I hadn't had to deal with that before, but right now I was just too tired.

_**Rose And you're Standing in the front row,**_

_**Adrian Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
But his love is still in me,**_

_**Both Like a broken arrow.  
Like a broken arrow...  
**_It really did feel like there was an arrow inside me, and it seemed Dimitri and Adrian felt the same way from the strained looks on their faces.

As I went to sit back down, Adrian pulled me over into the small kitchenette, out of view of the others.

"Rose, I just wanted to say that the song doesn't change anything. I know you still love the Cradlerobber, and I know that you really do care for me, and that you are trying. I know this is hard for you, so don't worry too much. You'll forget him eventually; you were doing so much better until he came back. When he eventually leaves us alone, we can be like that again. Until then, take all the time that you need." He was so sweet. I wish I really could love him more.

"Thank you Adrian." I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight; though I had a strange feeling it was comforting him more than me.

We walked back to the circle, and sat down. Lissa spun the bottle. It landed on herself. She flipped the coin, and got heads. She spun again, and it landed on...

**(Will be continued in next chapter. But until then, theres...)**

DPOV- Broken Arrow 

_**Rose What do you do when you're stuck,  
Because the one that you love,  
Has pushed you away,  
**_This song must have been set up. I had heard Lissa talking about the 'power of the shuffle' earlier, but the chance of Rose getting this song was very slim. I had checked, Lissa had over 40,000 songs on this playlist alone._**  
And you can't deal with the pain,  
**_I flinched. It sounded so real, Roza's angel's voice laced with the pain she was singing about. _**  
And now you're trying to fix me,**_

_**Adrian Mend what he did,  
**_I know I hurt her more than anyone else in her life ever has. That's why I had to push her away, so she wouldn't have to feel it again. She would get over me. She was young and strong, and she had Adrian, practically begging to be the one to fix her.

_**Rose I'll find the piece that I'm missing,  
But I still miss him,  
**_Roza... No, I made the right decision. The pain from earlier was gone, she seemed to be singing with less emotion. I refused to look into her eyes, scared they would tell me otherwise._**  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
Oh I miss him, I miss him I'm missing him  
And you're **_

_**Adrian sitting in the front row,  
Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
But his love is still in me,  
Like a broken arrow.  
Like a broken arrow.  
He's the thorn in my flesh**_

_**Adrian That I can't take out  
**_Adrian glared at me, like I really was a thorn in Roza's side. Ironic really, Roses were supposed to be the ones with thorns. But now, she looked like she was wilting.

_**Rose He's stealing my breath  
When you're around,  
**_That would pass. It had to, we couldn't keep thinking about each other that way. Both of us wanting the other but me holding her away- my self-control wasn't that good, I was afraid I would crumble at the first tear as it was._**  
And now you're trying to convince me,**_

_**Adrian He wasn't worth it,  
**_No, I wasn't. That was half the reason I had said those terrible lies to her, because I wasn't worthy of her love. This fact cut me up every day; I didn't need reminding of this by some Royal prick. _Calm down Dimitri. _This was, after all, the man I was relying on to mend my Roza's heart. No, not my Roza. Not anymore. I don't deserve her.

_**Rose But you can't complete me,  
**_Adrian's face looked pained, and I knew why. Being a Spirit user, he must have seen how we interacted, how we were so in synch. Something like that ran deeper than the body, it couldn't be built, it was just_ there, _or it wasn't. They didn't have that connection- that much was obvious for even me to see. Had I made a mistake in severing that bond?_**  
It's the thought that he's missing,  
I miss him, I'm missing him,  
**_There was the pain that I was afraid she felt, the pain I had been afraid to search for earlier. I doubt anyone else in the room had heard it; I was just more finely tuned to her emotions than them. She would never forgive me, of that I was sure. But I wish she would understand that I had only done what was best for her in the long run.  
_**Oh I miss him I miss him, I'm missing him,  
And you're **_

_**Adrian sitting in the front row,  
Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
But his love is still in me,  
Like a broken arrow.**_

_**Adrian Like a broken arrow.**_

_**Rose What do you do  
When your hearts in two places?  
You feel great but you're torn inside.  
**_When I heard the old sarcasm in her voice, my heart leapt. Maybe she would recover. But then I realized why she was using it, to contradict what I wanted for her. Oh, Roza.

_**Adrian You feel love but you just can't embrace it,  
When you found the right one at the wrong time.  
**_Adrian really believed he could be the one for Rose, and I was happy for that, but looking into her beautiful face, her eyes, I saw she disagreed. She pitied Adrian for thinking this, and she looked into my eyes for the briefest of moments, just to acknowledge what we had both seen.

_**Rose And you're standing in the front row,**_

_**Adrian Wanna be first in line,**_

_**Rose Sitting by my window,  
Giving me all your time,  
You could be my hero,  
If only I could let go,  
But his love is still in me,**_

_**Both Like a broken arrow.  
Like a broken arrow...**_

An arrow that had been loosed from my bow. I had only been trying to protect my Roza, the one thing that mattered to me in this world, one of the many things I didn't deserve. So if I had shot my Roza in the back as she tried to help me, why did it feel like the same arrow was lodged in my heart, and Adrian's too? What have I done..?

* * *

**Gotta say, not too sure about the lyrics on 'you feel great but you're torn inside'. I've looked on so many lyrics websites, and can't find if 'great' is actually right or not. I've seen 'love', 'burned', 'great'... whatever. I think now that it sounds like 'burned', but the sarcasm things works I guess. I love this song, whatever the word is :) **

**ALL RIGHTS GO TO PIXIE LOTT (and whoever else may have helped her write it) FOR 'BROKEN ARROW', AND RICHELLE MEAD FOR VAMPIRE ACADEMY AND ALL ITS CHARACTERS.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!**

**THANK YOU to all my amazing reviewers! A few responses to the reviews for chapter 3...**

**Milkowelove****- Thanks :) I had a huge long list of songs and spent ages trying to find the perfect ones. Glad you liked it.**

**maria03- Thank you so much! It means so much that on my first story people think I have great writing. In fact, I almost cried reading your review :') If this chapter made you cry, then the next couple of chapters may be tear-jerkers too :3. I have another couple that are finished that I'll be uploading soon, 'Just a Dream' made me cry so hard writing it. Thanks again for your amazing review XD**

**Ilovevampiresangels- Thanks! I will update as often as possible, would have done more before if the site hadn't been all annoying :3 As for the Lady Antebellum songs, I absolutely love them, and I have a whole 6,000 word story finished based on Need You Now, which will be up in the next few days.  
**

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**RPOV**

_Continuing from:_

_We walked back to the circle, and sat down. Lissa spun the bottle. It landed on herself. She flipped the coin, and got heads. She spun again, and it landed on..._

Lissa and Christian. They got up and started to sing.

**Lissa**_** On the first page of our story  
The future seemed so bright  
**_Even from the beginning, Lissa had described their relationship as a light in the darkness .

**Chris**_** Then this thing turned out so evil  
I don't know why I'm still surprise  
Even angels have their wicked schemes**_

**Lissa**_** And you take that to new extremes  
But you'll always be my hero**_

**Chris**_** Even though you've lost your mind  
**_Hey! Pyro calling Lissa crazy? If I wasn't so weak and tired, I'd go over there and hit him.

_**Lissa Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie**_

**Chris**_** Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie  
So maybe I'm a masochist  
**_Got that right..._**  
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave**_

_**Both Til the walls are goin' up  
In smoke with all our memories**_

**Chris**_** This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face  
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction  
Together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,  
Cuz together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain**_

**Lissa**_** Our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counsellin'  
**_I had tohold back a snort at that one. Since coming back from Vegas, Lissa hadn't seen her counsellor, and Christian never had, but I'd said before he needed one.

**Chris**_** This house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand  
Square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it  
**_True that. He could probably burn the whole court down if he felt like it.

**Lissa**_** With you I'm in my frikkin' mind, without you, I'm out it  
**_There. She basically admitted that without Christian, she was going Spirit crazy. I knew it was the truth, I could feel the darkness pressing on me.

**Both**_** Just gonna stand there and watch me burn  
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts  
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry  
But that's all right because I love the way you lie  
I love the way you lie  
Ohhh, I love the way you lie**_

We all clapped when it came to an end, and Lissa and Christian stepped back, embarrassed about how close they had ended up during the song. It wouldn't take much to get them back together, I thought. Good, I hoped they sorted out their problems; that would be 2 less heartbroken people in the world.

Whilst I hadn't been paying attention, Lissa had spun the bottle and flipped the coin.  
"Solo for Rose! Who's she gonna be singing to?" She asked rhetorically. As the bottle spun, I had a feeling this wasn't going to go well. Somehow, the songs so far had all reflected the 1st person's feelings about the other, and everybody was catching onto this.

"Uh, Dimitri!" Oh no, no. This was not good. The alcohol was wearing off now, and my emotions were raging like a flood inside me. This song would be sung with my true emotions showing, even if I tried to hide them. My Guardian mask just wasn't that good.  
I went over to the iPod, hoping for a good, easy song, but no. Katy Perry was back, and this time, not so kind. _Thinking Of You._ Shit.

What am I going to do? This song sums up exactly how I feel right now. I guess I could stare at the floor whilst singing this, so I don't hurt anyone.  
What am I saying? I'm Rose Hathaway. I seem to be forgetting that a lot lately, but I need to remember who I am. This is the truth and they need to hear it, so I guess I'll just sing it like I mean it, like myself. I won't keep lying to Adrian anymore, and I'll let Dimitri hear the truth. The song started, and I stood in the middle of the circle, near Dimitri, refusing to look at him yet.

_**Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed  
**_I looked up from the floor, straight into his eyes, that were already watching me, before singing the next line._**  
You said move on, where do I go?  
I guess second best is all I will know  
**_I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me- Adrian. Well, I had just called him 'second best'.

**_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_**  
**_Thinking of you, what you would do_**  
**_If you were the one who was spending the night_**  
**_Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_**

As stunningly beautiful Adrian's emerald eyes were, I couldn't see his soul through them, and knew that he felt the same. Which was stupid, because of course Adrian could see into my soul. But that was because of Spirit, I doubted he would have fallen for me at all if not for that advantage.

**_You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter_**  
**_Like a hard candy with a surprise centre_**

I almost smiled at this. He really was. To everyone else he was a stone cold Guardian, but once you got to know him, you saw how sweet he could be, especially to me._**  
How do I get better once I've had the best?  
**_And Dimitri was the best. He was the best Guardian, the best match for me I had ever found, and the best at reading me._**  
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I did test  
**_I had tried to move on. I had given Adrian my best shot, but more and more I was realizing that he really wasn't the one for me._**  
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself  
**_So true. I hated myself for leading Adrian on when I had still been in love with Dimitri. Then again, Adrian had known what he was getting into, and had pursued me even when Dimitri was still here.

**_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_**  
**_Thinking of you, what you would do_**  
**_If you were the one who was spending the night_**  
**_Oh, I wish that I was looking into_**

**_You're the best, and yes, I do regret_**  
**_How I could let myself let you go_**

That moment in before I ran, back in the church, when I saw something flash in Dimitri's eyes. What if I had stayed, and let him see me cry? Maybe it would have worked out differently. What if?_**  
Now, now the lesson's learned  
I touched, and I was burned  
Oh, I think you should know!  
**_Well, he did now. Maybe this had been Lissa's plan all along. It seemed like the sort of thing that she would do._**  
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes  
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes  
Oh, won't you walk through?  
And burst in the door and take me away?  
**_I wished he would take me away right now; escape with me right now from what I knew was coming._**  
Oh, no more mistakes  
**_I have to tell Adrian. I have to end it with him; I can't keep stringing him along like this._**  
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay**_

I stepped back from Dimitri, and turned to Adrian. I wanted to take him outside, explain why I couldn't be with him anymore. But it seemed like he knew what was coming. Adrian spun the bottle, and it landed on me. Figures. He got up and chose a song from the iPod, not choosing shuffle this time. He seemed to have an agenda set.  
"Sing with me, Rose. I hope it explains things better than I ever could." His voice sounded strained, and he took another swig from the bottle in his hand, stumbling into the centre of the circle of friends around us. With one last look at Lissa, I followed.  
As the song started, I heard a piano melody, one that I didn't recognize...

**DPOV**  
Thinking of you

Roza stood in front of me, looking down at the floor as if the carpet was the most interesting thing in the world. I knew better. She couldn't bear to look at me.

_**Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed  
**_She looked up into my eyes, finally, and there was so much emotion in them that for the first time ever I couldn't tell what she was feeling._**  
You said move on, where do I go?  
I guess second best is all I will know  
**_Is that what she really thought? That she would never find anyone better than me? That I was perfect? She was wrong. I was not the best person for her. That was Adrian, who was standing on the other side of the room, with a look in his eyes that told me his world was crashing down around him._**  
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes  
**_My eyes. Not so long ago they had been ringed in red, the eyes of a monster. How she could even look at me now was a mystery to me._**  
You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy with a surprise centre  
**_The ghost of a smile flickered across her lips. My heart leapt at even that, reminding me that though I was pushing my feelings for her away, they hadn't faded as I'd told her they had. _**  
How do I get better once I've had the best?  
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I did test  
**_I had pushed her straight into Adrian's arms, thinking she would be safe there, though all I wanted to do was be held in hers myself, to feel her small, soft body close against mine._**  
He kissed my lips; I taste your mouth, oh!  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself  
**_She really did look disgusted with herself. I saw something in her eyes change. She had made a decision. Maybe she was going to try harder with Adrian, and even though I was falling apart without her, I would settle to be friends. I just wanted to fix things between us, so she'd at least eat again. I couldn't stand the thought of her being in pain._**  
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
**_I would hold her tight, and try to chase away the memories of what I'd done to her in Russia, of how I'd pushed her away since I'd been back. I'd tell her how sorry I am, and beg her for another chance._**  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into-  
You're the best, and yes, I do regret  
How I could let myself let you go  
**_The truth was, if she hadn't run out of the church at that moment, stopping me from seeing her cry, I knew I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I would have got down on my knees and told her I didn't mean it, I would have done anything to stop the tears from rolling down my Roza's perfect face._**  
Now, now the lesson's learned  
I touched it, I was burned  
Oh, I think you should know!  
**_She had tried to tell me before, but I hadn't let her. Now, she had me trapped, Lissa wanted me here, I couldn't just leave. It was my duty to remain here._**  
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes  
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes  
Oh, won't you walk through?  
And bust in the door and take me away?  
**_I would Roza. I want nothing more than that right now._**  
Oh, no more mistakes  
**_But I had missed my chance, surely she was saying to me that she had chosen Adrian for good?  
_**'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay  
**_Her eyes met mine with a burning intensity, and I knew that I was wrong.

* * *

**Ok, so Thinking of You belongs to Katy Perry and Love the Way You Lie belongs to Eminem and Rihanna.  
Hope y'all like this chapter, and hopefully the next one will be up later today. Thank you all for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Hey everyone. Really long chapter here :) This chapter has some Rose/Eddie friend fluff, as well as Rose/Dimitri action. Dimitri sings in this one :D **

* * *

Turning Tables  
RPOV

**_Adrian Close enough to start a war  
All that I have is on the floor _**

**_Rose God only knows what we're fighting for  
_**Why was he doing this to me? Why was I doing this to him? Why were we doing this to ourselves?  
**_All that I say, you always say more  
_**He was always telling me how much he loved me, how much he needed me, as if the same would become true for me if I heard it enough.

**_Adrian I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe  
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
No, I won't ask you to just desert me  
_**It sounded like he was giving me a choice…

**_Rose I can't give you what you think you gave me  
_**He loves me so much, and I tried to feel the same. He said I kept him sane, I pretended like he could do the same for me.

**_Adrian It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
To turning tables  
Under haunted skies I see ooh  
Where love is lost, your ghost is found  
_**True. So, so true. I had lost Dimitri's love, now I was just a ghost, a shadow of myself.**_  
I've braved a hundred storms to leave you  
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down  
I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe  
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no  
I won't ask you to just desert me _**

**_Rose I can't give you what you think you gave me  
_**I realized that he probably knew all along, by reading my aura.**_  
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
Turning tables  
Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own saviour  
_**I was on the rebound, seeking comfort when I gave him a chance. I shouldn't have leaned on him when I couldn't return his feelings.  
**_when the thunder comes for me  
_**I shivered. _Buria_. That's when the bad things had come.

**_Adrian Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own saviour  
Standing on my own two feet  
_**He really needed to learn how to fix himself. I had come to him for comfort. That was different to looking for someone to hold you up, like he used me for.**_  
I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no  
I won't ask you to just desert me _**

**_Rose I can't give you what you think you gave me_**

**_Adrian It's time to say goodbye  
to turning tables _**

**_Rose To turning tables  
_**I had a feeling we were saying goodbye to more than turning tables…

**_Adrian Turning tables, yeah  
Turning oh  
no no _**

The song finished, and we stood looking at each other. The room was silent, it seemed like everyone was too scared to even breathe. Adrian looked into my eyes with an intensity that seemed impossible for someone as drunk as he was.  
"I can't keep doing this, Rose. You have to choose. Me, or him."

It wasn't really a choice between Dimitri and Adrian. It was a choice between life, and dying inside. It was a choice between false love, or true rejection. False happiness or real pain. A choice between who I should be, and who I was.  
"I'm sorry, Adrian." In his eyes, I saw his already fragile world come crashing down. He turned around, and walked away from me. Just as he opened the door, he turned back to me.  
"So am I, Little Damphir. So am I"

* * *

I sat down on the floor, truly numb for the first time in days. I felt through the bond that Lissa wanted to comfort me, but was judging whether I wanted to be left alone for a minute. She was right; I didn't want her right now. She was going through this as well. For once, I needed someone who didn't know my pain, who didn't know everything about what had happened between Dimitri and me.

As if on cue, Eddie left Mia's side and walked over. Sitting beside me on the carpet, he pulled me into his arms, and I just sat there for a while, no one around me moving. After about 5 minutes, I pulled back, and he looked surprised to see my eyes completely dry.  
"It'll be OK, Rose. I promise. You'll fight your way through this. You're a warrior." We both knew that was bullshit, that everything wouldn't be OK, but it made me feel loved that he cared enough to lie to my face, and to make a promise that he could never keep. I knew how much he hated that.  
"Thanks, Ed."

He smiled, and got up. I continued to stare at the floor, but a few seconds later I heard some new music start up.  
"This song is for Rose, my best friend, my sister, who never gives up a fight, even if there is no way she can win."

Soldier

_**When you came back I knew you'd have a story.  
**_He didn't know why I had left for Russia, and when I'd come back I hadn't told him everything._**  
You needed someone to ease the pain of living life.  
**_Adrian. That one line summed up what he was to me, as well as a great friend. He was trying to reassure me that it wasn't so terrible what I had done to him, trying to give me an excuse._**  
You're like a soldier in the fray, seeking shelter  
from all the madness that you've seen, raining down now.  
**_Seeing the strongest and truest thing in my life totally changed had been madness, and the darkness was always there, making it worse._**  
I know things change, your world has slipped away.  
**_Dimitri was my world, and he had slipped away, through my fingers, there was nothing that I had been able to do about it._**  
I know things change, but you're living like a soldier  
who's caught in the fray.  
Don't lose your faith,  
it's not so cold,  
it's not too late.  
When you were naive you were so invincible,  
**_Before Dimitri had been turned, I had never felt such pain. Looking back now, I was naïve, and back then, nothing had been able to make me feel like this._**  
and you laughed at anyone and anything that ever got in your way.  
**_This was some crazy shit. This song fit so perfectly to me. I had laughed at anyone that had ever tried to hurt me and bring me down. I had been untouchable. Look at me now._**  
But now the mirror shows the change  
**_So true. It was obvious to anyone who saw me that something had happened to me, I looked like someone who… well, wasn't me._**  
and you don't see that you're sinking back into the crowd, an echo fading.  
I know things change, your world has slipped away.  
I know things change, but you're living like a soldier  
who's caught in the fray.  
Don't lose your faith,  
it's not so cold,  
**_Dimitri's words came back to me… I've given up on you. How was that not cold?_**  
it's not too late  
And I never thought I'd see  
you living on your knees,  
A slave to some disease  
**_Love. That is my disease._**  
that holds you captive.  
**_I flinched. I was reminded of Dimitri holding me his prisoner._**  
And you can look inside of me  
but the answers that you seek  
and everything you need  
is all inside you.  
**_He was right. I am Rose. I have everything I need. The feeling is returning to me, the heartache, but also determination to carry on living came with it. I could feel tears starting to rise, but I pushed them back. This wasn't the time._**  
I know things change, your world has slipped away.  
I know things change, but you're living like a soldier  
who's caught in the fray.  
Don't lose your faith, it's not so cold, it's not too late.**_

The song ended, and I stood up and hugged Eddie, not clinging onto him like I had before, but with some strength and purpose behind it. I pulled back after a couple of seconds.  
"Thanks, Ed. If Mason was here, he would have been singing that right beside you. But he's not, and I know he would be so proud of how you're taking care of me. Thank you." I repeated. Instead of pain in Eddie's eyes, there was pride and happiness that I had said something positive.

I then went and hugged Lissa. In her ear, I whispered "Make up with Christian before it's too late. Please." She looked at me, a little shocked, but through the bond I heard _I will. I love him too much to let him go._

I nodded once, then turned back to the circle.  
"My turn. Gimme the coin already, we can see if anyone has the immense privilege of singing with my heavenly voice."  
A smile broke over everyone's faces as they heard my usual witty quip. Maybe it was a good thing that they didn't know how much effort it took me to just come up with it.  
Eddie passed me the coin, and I flipped. Heads.

"Well, one of you is gonna be lucky tonight." I said, spinning the bottle on the floor. I was feeling a little better, that is, until it landed on Dimitri.  
Not again… I thought, but then I realized he hadn't actually sung yet. I'd never heard him sing before, even in practices when I'd been quietly singing my favourite song of the time whilst doing tedious stretches.  
Wrenching my thoughts away from those happy times, I clicked shuffle. Oh no, no, nooo...

**Because of you**  
R and D POV (DPOV= ALL CAPS) (Rose POV=normal_)_

The music started, and we both met in the centre of the circle. Someone handed him his hairbrush/microphone. It had always been Lissa's rule that we sing into one, she said it made us sing better, gave us something to do with our hands, and was just plain funny. Right now, I wasn't laughing so much. Because I knew this song. It was the most played on my own iPod; when I came back from Russia I had played nothing else for about 3 weeks, and even now listened to it a lot. I swear this freaking iPod was psychic. And, man, was this gonna be awkward...

_**Rose I will not make  
The same mistakes that you did  
**_I'm not going to shut everyone I love out of my life._**  
I will not let myself  
'Cause my heart so much misery  
**_THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HER FROM, BEFORE IT BACKFIRED_**  
I will not break  
The way you did, you fell so hard  
**_When he let that Strigoi take him down, he gave up. He fell, and I had to watch it. I felt the tears return to my eyes, and fought to keep them back._**  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far  
Because of you  
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt  
**_Since I came back from Russia, I've been slowly distancing myself from everyone.

_**Dimitri Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me  
**_I HOPE SHE UNDERSTANDS WHY I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO. I DID TERRIBLE THINGS THAT I CAN NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LEARN TO TRUST MYSELF AROUND HER LIGHT AND PURITY._**  
Because of you, I am afraid  
**_Oh.  
My.  
Dimitri's voice was _amazing. _The every note was hit perfectly, and his accent grew stronger, wrapping around every word. It sounded like… well, nothing I had ever heard before. Deep, and soft, but at the same time, strong. That didn't really make sense, but the contradictions made it sound even more ethereal._**  
I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
**_SHE TOLD ME THAT I WAS EMOTIONLESS, AND THAT WAS NOT TRUE. I JUST COULDN'T CRY. EVERY NIGHT SOBS RACKED MY BODY, BUT NOT ONE TEAR WOULD ESCAPE MY EYES, BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD DONE WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER. NOW THAT I KNEW THAT WAS WORNG, I COULD FEEL THE LONG-AWAITED TEARS FILL MY EYES.

_**Rose Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
**_That's why I ran away from the church. I knew my tears wouldn't make any difference._**  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life  
**_And now I've lost Adrian, that's what I'll have to do for the rest of my life.

_**Dimitri My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with  
**_SINCE BEING STRIGOI, MY EMOTIONS HAD BEEN MESSED UP, THE ONLY ONE I REALLY HAD ROOM FOR WAS GUILT, SO THE PAIN OF LOSING HER HAD BEEN AT THE BACK OF MY MIND. BUT NOW I FELT IT LIKE A KNIFE TO MY HEART.

_**Rose Because of you  
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
**_ROZA WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY THINGS SAFE. THAT JUST WASN'T HER. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GIRL WITH THE CRAZY PLANS, RUSHING INTO LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT FOR HERSELF IF HER FRIENDS NEEDED HER._**  
So I don't get hurt**_

_**Dimitri Because of you  
I find it hard to trust  
Not only me, but everyone around me**_

_**Rose Because of you, I am afraid  
I watched you die,  
**_Yeah, literally. I saw him be taken down, killed, and brought back as one of the living dead. The tears began to fall now; there was nothing I could do to hold them back.  
AS I SAW THE FIRST TEAR FALL FROM HER EYES AND ROLL DOWN HER CHEEK, ALL MY WALLS CAME CRUMBLING DOWN. I COULD NOT HOLD BACK MY OWN TEARS, OF REGRET AND SADNESS. I HAD MADE MY ROZA CRY, AND THAT WAS WORSE THAN ANYTHING I HAD EVER DONE BEFORE. AND SHE WAS CRYING REMEMBERING MY DEATH. IT WAS TOO MUCH, MY MASK CRUMBLED.  
Dimitri started to cry. What was going on?

_**Dimitri I heard you cry  
Every night in your sleep  
**_WHEN I WAS STRIGOI, I WOULD LISTEN TO HER CRY THROUGH THE WALLS, AND WAIT UNTIL I AWAKENED HER, WHEN SHE WOULD NEVER CRY AGAIN. BUT WHEN SHE WOKE UP, SHE WAS SO HIGH ON ENDORPHINS THAT SHE WOULDN'T REMEMBER EVER CRYING THE NIGHT BEFORE.

_**Rose I was so young,  
**_OH, ROZA. I NEVER SAW YOU AS TOO YOUNG. YOU HAD ALREADY BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH FOR YOUR AGE. YOU WERE ALWAYS STRONG ENOUGH ON YOUR OWN, YOU NEVER HAD TO RELY ON ME, LIKE YOU SAID YOU DID THAT NIGHT IN THE CABIN. ROZA…

_**Dimitri You should have known  
Better than to lean on me  
**_Ouch, that hurt. But I really should have known better. When life puts up that many barriers between you and someone, there is probably a reason.  
I SAW THE PAIN IN HER EYES AND KNEW SHE HAD MISUNDERSTOOD THAT LINE. I WOULD HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO HER THE TRUTH LATER. THESE SONGS MAY HAVE HAD THE CORRECT WORDS FOR HOW WE FELT, BUT THE MEANING BEHIND THE WORDS COULD STILL BE MISUNDERSTOOD, JUST LIKE IF THEY WERE SPOKEN.

_**Rose You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
**_When he said those things to me in the church, he said them so that he wouldn't have to deal with the pain of seeing me, and put me in pain so he didn't have to deal with his own.  
SHE WAS RIGHT ON THAT ONE, I HAD BEEN TOTALLY SELFISH. I HOPED MY EYES SHOWED HER HOW SORRY I WAS FOR THAT._**  
Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side  
So I don't get hurt**_

_**Dimitri Because of you  
I tried my hardest just to forget everything  
**_Yeah. The very things I had tried to forget were the things that plagued me. The memories that I hold into with both hands as they are the only thing that gets me through the night.  
TRIED. PAST TENSE. I WAS THROUGH WITH THAT NOW. I WOULD STOP PRETENDING OUR LOVE MEANT NOTHING TO ME, WHEN REALLY, IT WAS WHAT KEPT ME ALIVE._**  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
**_So you push them away instead.

_**Both Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
**_I used to be so sure of myself, and think I had everything. I was proud that I had achieved Guardian status and had been assigned to Lissa, now, that is all I have left._**  
Because of you, I am afraid  
Because of you  
Because of you**_

We both stood so close... if we each moved just the slightest bit, we would be kissing. And how much I wanted to do that. In this moment, there was nothing else in this world that I wanted more. Instead, I turned on my heel and stalked back to my spot on the floor, furiously wiping tears off my cheeks. Lissa's sympathy washed over me, and I wanted to just curl up with a bottle of vodka and forget the world for a while.

But I knew I couldn't do that, so I stood up and went to the iPod. I'd seen the pain in Dimitri's eyes after the last song, and I had to show him that he didn't need to feel that way.

* * *

**1 thing I want to say - on Rose and Dimitri's song, I put both of their POVs into one, because I think reading the whole thing twice would spoil it. I don't like all Dimitri's stuff being in capitals. I'm not really happy with that, but just bold or just italics would be too hard to distinguish. So capitals it is.  
Next chapter will be up soon :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Richelle Mead owns VA, and the songs belong to their respective artists. **

**Ok, so there is probably only one chapter left after this one :o But a long one. And I have another story that I'll put up some time this weekend, and more on the way after that :)  
Gaspazha Belikova- I know, poor Adrian :'(. I do feel really sorry for him in the books. When I wrote this story, I was really close to actually making him bump into Sydney as he left, like you suggested, but decided it wouldn't fit. However, becuase you wrote such a great long review... I'll see what I can do :)**

So, on with the story...

* * *

_Previously...  
But I knew I couldn't do that, so I stood up and went to the iPod. I'd seen the pain in Dimitri's eyes after the last song, and I had to show him that he didn't need to feel that way..._

Swallowing back more tears of my own, I started looking through the songs on Lissa's iPod. I was counting on her endless supply of Taylor Swift here. I found the song I was looking for, and turned around to face Dimitri.

**I guess you really did it this time  
Left yourself in your war path  
Lost your balance on a tight rope  
Lost your mind trying to get it back  
**He had his soul back, but in his head he was still haunted.**  
Wasn't it easy in your lunchbox days  
Always a bigger bed to crawl into  
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything  
And everybody believed in you  
**All the doubt from his former colleagues regarding his restoration had not helped him to heal. All he wanted proof that he wasn't a monster, and they had only been too quick to judge.**  
It's alright  
Just wait and see your string  
Of lights are still bright to me oh  
**I know that when he was a Strigoi he had no control over himself. The fact that he seemed happy that he was turned proved to me that the monster had not been him.**  
Who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent  
You're still an innocent  
**The fact that Lissa had physically had to restore his soul had proved that he hadn't possessed it as a Strigoi. What made him _him_ hadn't been a part of the monster, so he really was still innocent. Rose-logic, perhaps, but that was the truth. I just wished that he could see that.**  
Did some things you can't speak of  
**I knew he would never tell anyone what had happened in Russia.**  
But at night you live it all again  
**He had just admitted to nightmares of the people that he had killed.**  
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now  
If only you had seen what you know now then  
**He had been warned by Rhonda that he would lose what he valued most. He had thought it was me, so worried about me when he should have been looking out for himself. If he had known he was going to lose his soul, maybe he would have been more careful.**  
Wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days  
When everything out of reach  
Someone bigger brought down to you  
**I half-smiled at this. The thought of Dimitri ever being too small to reach something was just funny.**  
Wasn't it beautiful  
Running wild 'til you fell asleep  
Before the monsters catch up to you  
**The Strigoi were the only monsters here, and he was no longer one of them.**  
It's alright  
Just wait and see your string of  
Lights are still bright to me Oh  
Who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent  
It's okay  
Life is a tough crowd  
**Who cares what other people think? The only people that should really matter were those in this room, and his family back in Russia, and I knew that they would never condemn him for crimes he had no control over.**  
32 and still growing up now  
**Sometimes he acted so responsibly, and so adult, it was easy to forgot that he was only 24. Sure, that was 6 years older than me, but in the grand scheme of things, that was still so young to have been through what he had. Really, all of us had been through more than most 40 year old Guardians.**  
Who you are is not what you did  
You're still an innocent  
Time turns flames to embers  
You'll have new Septembers  
Everyone of us has messed up too  
**Well that was certainly true. Out of all of us, he had the least control over what happened to him, but was paying the most for it.**  
Lights changes like the weather  
I hope you remember today is  
Never too late to be brand new  
**He needed to forgive himself, the sooner the better. The longer he allowed this self-loathing to reside in him, the harder it would be to ever lose.**  
It's alright  
Just wait and see your string  
Of lights are still bright to me Oh  
Who you are is not where you've been  
You're still an innocent  
It's ok Life is a tough crowd  
32 and still growing up now  
Who you are is not what you did  
**A silent message passed between us through the connection that we had always shared. I was telling him again that when a Strigoi he hadn't been himself, and I knew he wouldn't ever do that to me if he could possibly help it.**  
You're still an innocent  
Lost your balance on a tight rope  
It's never too late to get it back  
**He could be great again. If he could just forgive himself, I would be there for him always, and would help him to recover. We could heal together. If he could just forgive.

I finished the song, and as I looked up into Dimitri's eyes, I saw that he knew what a mistake he'd made. Of course I forgave him. I would never forget what he had said to me, or the pain he had put me through, but of course I forgave him. I would be whatever he needed me to be, a friend, and someone to help him through this life he had just rediscovered.  
I caught his hand, the familiarity and warmth of it mended a part of my broken heart.  
I gave him a small smile, and spoke.

"I forgive you. There was never really anything to forgive, not really. I…" He cut me off.

"I'm not who I used to be, Rose. I did terrible things to you, and countless others. I see their faces, he ones I killed, when I close my eyes. I can never forgive myself, but if you forgive me, I can breathe again. But I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, Roza."

My newly mended heart shattered all over again. There was so much sadness inside him. This was about more than just the 2 of us- this was about the strongest man I knew reduced nearly to tears in front of me.

"It wasn't your fault, Dimitri. No one blames you, so you have to stop blaming yourself." I… I-  
I had been about to say… well, something else, I wasn't entirely sure what it was. I wanted to say 'I love you', but wasn't sure if him finally accepting being near me and asking for my forgiveness meant he wanted to mend our relationship.  
The decision was taken out of my hands when I was interrupted by none other than…

"Lissa!" Christian shouted suddenly, ruining the moment. Dimitri sat back down, looking lost in thought. We all turned to look at Fire Crotch, who was suddenly the recipient of 5 angry glares.  
"Sorry." He mumbled. "It's just… I'm so sorry, Lissa. I was a massive douche."  
"Uh-huh" I said out loud. Everyone ignored me.  
"Sing with me?" He asked, and Lissa nodded. Christian picked out a song, and within a minute, they were both facing each other, hairbrushes in hand.

_**Lissa Made a wrong turn  
Once or twice  
Dug my way out  
Blood  
Chris and fire  
**_Trust Sparky to jump in there_**  
Bad decisions  
That's alright  
Welcome to my silly life  
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
**_Christian knew what that was like. He was shunned for something he had no control over, that he hadn't wanted to happen.

_**Lissa Miss "no way it's all good"  
It didn't slow me down**_

_**Chris Mistaken  
**_His voice wasn't bad, really. But it wasn't amazing, either._**  
Always second guessing  
Underestimated  
Look, I'm still around…  
**_He had proved wrong all those who thought he would turn Strigoi at the first chance he got.

_**Both Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like your less than  
Less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like your nothing  
You are perfect to me**_

_**Chris You're so mean  
When you talk  
About yourself  
**_That's true._**  
You are wrong  
Change the voices  
In your head  
**_Ha. Reference to Lissa's Spirit crazies? I think so…_**  
Make them like you  
Instead**_

_**Lissa So complicated  
Look how big you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred  
Such a tired game  
**_I could feel that she was thinking about the other Royals, and how her and Christian had tried to stay away from them, but this whole mess had started because she had gone back to them._**  
It's enough  
I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons  
see you do the same**_  
I looked at Dimitri as they sung this line, and saw him staring right back at me. He gave a sad half smile, shrugged, and tilted his head slightly. I could read him well enough to know that this meant "I'm trying, just give me time."  
I felt so glad that he was finally trying to put the past behind him, and I knew from the new, or old, light to his eyes that he had experienced some kind of revelation, and had a new purpose to life, a new reason to living. I turned back to Lissa and Christian as stronger emotions flickered through the bond.

_**Both Pretty, pretty please  
Don't you ever, ever feel  
Like your less than  
Less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please  
If you ever, ever feel  
Like your nothing  
You are perfect to me**_

_**Lissa The world stares while I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer  
**_That sounded pretty good right now, actually. I might actually be nearly sober…

_**Chris So cool in lying and I tried tried  
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time**_

_**Lissa Done looking for the critics, cuz they're everywhere  
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair  
String ourselves and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that?**_

_**Chris Why do I do that?**_

_**Lissa Why do I do that?**_

_**Both Yeah,  
Ooh, oh, pretty pretty pretty,  
Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel  
Like you're less then, less than perfect  
Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel  
Like you're nothing you are perfect, to me  
You're perfect  
You're perfect  
Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less then, less than perfect  
Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel like you're nothing you are perfect to me**_

After singing, they were both breathing heavily, faces inches apart like Dimitri and I had been earlier. However, their song ended a little differently. They closed the gap between their lips and kissed, softly at first, then like they hadn't been able to breathe in weeks, and the other was the only way to save them. I didn't want to ruin their moment, as jealous as I was, so I let them carry on for a bit. However, after a little while, it got a bit... heavy for company, so I was going to interrupt, until Eddie cleared his throat and saved me the hassle.

Once that was sorted, Eddie spun the bottle, and ended up singing 'Just the way you are' with Mia. It was really sweet, and totally obvious that they were into each other. They kissed quickly at the end, and then sat down. Seeing the 2 happy couples was making me feel a bit nauseous, so I said;  
"Why don't we call it a night. I'm really tired, 'cuz you know, I haven't slept in...like..." I gave up trying to work out the number of hours. "4 nights. So if you'll excuse me..."  
Lissa ruined my plan. She knew I wasn't planning on going to sleep, unless I passed out from drinking too much.

"Oh, come on Rose. One more song, then you can go be all depressed in your room again."  
Everyone else stared at her, but I _glared_. My best 'are you on a death wish?' glare. _Sorry_ Came through the bond. _Please?_ She tried again.

"Oh, fine then. One more." I flipped the coin. Heads. I spun the bottle. Dimitri. Brilliant. But what else could I expect?  
I clicked shuffle, and looked down at the song.

* * *

**Innocence belongs to Taylor Swift and Perfect to P!NK.  
Thanks for reading and reviewing :) **

**And the extra little bit...**

**APOV  
**

I sat at the bar, fourth whiskey in hand, thinking over what had happened in Lissa's room. I didn't even have money for the drinks, but I was too drunk to care. They'd just stick it on my tab, anyway.  
Eventually, the barman decided to kick me out, but I didn't want to go back to my place alone. I tried to reason with the guy to let me just crash here for the night, but he didn't care.

"Excuse me?"  
I turned to see a small blonde standing beside me. She had a gold flower tattoo on her cheek, and was watching me warily.  
"Yeah?" I answered, even that sounding slurred.

"Do you think you could show me to the guest housing? If you can walk straight, that is." She asked.  
It was then that I realised that she was human, and I connected the tattoo with something my Aunt had said once. She was an Alchemist.

"It takes more than this to knock me off my feet. I'll take you there. I'm Adrian, by the way."  
She looked surprised that I'd actually agreed, and I took the time to assess her features. She was petite and pretty, medium length blonde hair and eyes that shifted between brown, amber and gold in the dim lights of the bar.  
Contrary to my statement, I faltered a little as I dropped down off the stool.  
She caught my arm to steady me, and I felt faint tingles and warmth where her skin touched mine.

"Uh, thanks..." I trailed off.  
"Sydney Sage." She smiled, and it made her tattoo catch the light and her eyes shine in a way that was almost enchanting.  
"Thanks, Sydney."

As I walked her over to guest housing, I couldn't help but feel that tonight had taken a turn for the better since meeting this human girl.  
Sydney. Why did that name sound like a promise? And why did her face seem like the future?  
As we talked, one thing was certain in my mind.

I wanted to get to know this Sydney Sage.

* * *

**There you go :) Little bit of luck and happiness for Adrian & Sydney. I think they're so cute together, and I can't wait until Rose finds out about them in TIS. It'll be great XD**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing here! It goes to Richelle Mead and Taylor Swift.**

**This is the last chapter everyone! But it's a long one, with lots of non-song Rose/Dimitri stuff.  
Thanks for all the amazing reviews I've received for this story. This is my first fanfiction, so it was really great to hear all your positive feedback :)  
I have another story finished that I'll be putting up in soon, but for now, here's the final part of Psychic Shuffle!**

* * *

_Previously:  
"Oh, fine then. One more." I flipped the coin. Heads. I spun the bottle. Dimitri. Brilliant.  
I clicked shuffle, and looked down at the song. _

The story of us by Taylor Swift came on, but it Lissa had somehow found an acoustic version of it, so it was slower than the original.

_**Rose I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us  
**_I'd imagined telling my friends after graduation, I'd expected shock and anger that I hadn't told them sooner, but I knew they would have understood in the end and been happy for us._**  
How we met and the sparks flew instantly  
**_They had, as well. Ever since he stopped me falling and touched me for the first time._**  
And people would say, "They're the lucky ones".  
**_I had always felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have Dimitri as mine. I had always secretly looked forward to going public with our relationship so I could show him off, and other girls would know that he was taken._**  
I used to know my place was a spot next to you  
Now I'm searchin' the room for an empty seat  
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on**_

_**Dimitri A simple complication,  
Miscommunications lead to fallout  
So many things that I wish you knew  
So many walls up I can't break through  
**_He looked pained as he said this.

_**Both Now I'm standin' alone in a crowded room and we're not speakin'  
And I'm dyin' to know, is it killin' you like it's killin' me, yeah  
I don't know what to say,**_

_**Rose Since the twist of fate when it all broke down  
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now  
**_When he was turned, everything broke down, everything was ruined. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on us._**  
Next chapter.  
How'd we end up this way?  
You see me nervously pulling at my clothes and tryin' to look busy  
And you're doin' your best to avoid me  
**_Hell, yeah._**  
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us,  
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here  
But you held your pride like you should've held me  
**_I wished so hard that our reunion had been like I imagined it- Him running into my arms, and me helping him through the trauma, together.

_**Dimitri Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,  
Why are we pretending this is nothing?  
I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how  
I've never heard silence quite this loud**_

_**Both Now I'm standin' alone in a crowded room and we're not speakin'  
And I'm dyin' to know, is it killin' you like it's killin' me, yeah  
I don't know what to say,  
**_For one of the first times in my life, I hadn't just jumped in and said what I wanted to. I needed Dimitri to know how I felt about him, but like at the time when he was thinking about Tasha's offer, I couldn't do it. I put him first. He really had been good for me, and I'd picked up self-control along the way._**  
Since the twist of fate when it all broke down  
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now**_

_**Dimitri This is looking like a contest  
Of who can act like they care less  
But I liked it better when you were on my side  
**_Well, at least I wasn't the only one who saw it that way.

_**Rose The battle's in your hands now  
But I would lay my armour down  
If you say you'd rather love than fight  
So many things that you wish I knew  
But the story of us might be ending soon**_

_**Both Now I'm standin' alone in a crowded room and we're not speakin'**_

_**Rose And I'm dyin' to know, is it killin' you**_

_**Dimitri like it's killin' me, yeah**_

_**Both I don't know what to say,  
Since the twist of fate when it all broke down  
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now  
And we're not speakin'  
And I'm dyin' to know, is it killin' you like it's killin' me, yeah  
I don't know what to say,  
Since the twist of fate, 'cause we're going down  
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.**_

**The end?**

It came out like a question, unlike the original song. I could see the same question in his eyes, silently begging me for an answer. I hoped my eyes asked the same question. Was there hope for us, or was this really the end. The silent forms of our friends surrounding us faded into the background, and I became lost in his eyes. The only thing that could possibly have pulled me out from their endless depths did just that.

"Roza. How could you love me after the things I did to you? After what I said, in the church? I ruined your relationship with Adrian, and I caused you so much _pain_."

Like you haven't been going through any of that yourself, I thought, listening to the tone of his voice.  
"That wasn't you, Dimitri. You would never have done that to me if you had been able to stop it. My relationship with Adrian ending wasn't your fault, it was never going anywhere. I didn't love him enough, and we weren't right for each other. I was meant for you".  
His breath caught as I said that.  
"Yes, you did hurt me, but that wasn't your entire fault. If you hadn't been turned, I would have been happy with you this whole time. As for what you said in the church, well, I don't know your reason for it. I'm sure it was good, though. You never do anything without good reason."

"I just wanted to keep you safe, Roza. I thought that if you were with Adrian, it would be better than if you stayed with me, that you would be more respected. I thought that if you really didn't agree with what I was saying, you would stand and fight for yourself. I never expected my words, my lies, to have that effect on you, to make you _cry_. I would never, ever do that to you intentionally. Why didn't you fight back? I expected you to, hoped you would. Why?" I could see in his eyes that this was true.

"Because you broke me." I said, the tears cascading down my cheeks as I remembered the words again. Love fades. Mine has.

"Roza." He said, pulling me into his arms.

I buried my face against his chest, sobbing, my body causing his to shake as well. Then I realised that he was crying too. We held each other tighter, and his heartbeat was the most beautiful sound in the world. I hadn't been this close to him since he was restored, the last time I had been pressed him like this was when he was Strigoi, when his heart hadn't been beating. Being this close to him felt like... completion. After so long apart, to have him in my arms, _alive_, was something I had never expected to feel again. It was a dream I had almost given up on, but never forgotten.

Dimitri pulled away slightly, just enough to look down into my eyes.  
"Then, if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix you. I love you, Roza." I smiled fully for the first time in longer than I cared to remember, and put one hand to his face.

"And I swear, I will spend the rest of mine fixing _you_. I love you, Dimitri."  
His face lit up in a full smile that I had missed so much, and that made me go weak at the knees. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support, and in doing so, closed the space between our lips.

The electric current that ran through my body as our lips met chased away all of the pain and sadness remaining inside me, and I stood up on my toes to bring myself closer to him. With my arms locked around his neck I tangled my fingers in his silky hair, matching his hands that were knotted in my hair cascading down my back.

For the smallest part of a second, I flashed into Lissa's head, pulled in by the joy she felt. Through her eyes, I saw blinding lights emanating from the centre of the room. I realised that she, I, was seeing our auras, and that they were both lit up like miniature suns. The darkness surrounding mine was barely visible, just a silvery-grey outline that surrounded the rainbow of other colours that surrounded me. Dimitri had similar coloured flecks in his aura, which Lissa recognized as lasting effects from his Strigoi-trauma.

All of this occurred in less than half as second, before I was pulled back into my own head by the miracle that was occurring closer to home. We stayed like that for an immeasurable amount of time, until I felt as flash of annoyance through the bond. I pulled away, reluctantly, to see the cause of this out-of-place emotion, to be greeted with the also wonderful sight of Lissa slapping Christian upside the head.  
"Now look what you did. You just couldn't let them get on with it, could you?" Lissa asked, irritated at her boyfriend's lack of tact. He had, apparently, whispered to Lissa a snide comment about being 'not even fun to watch anymore'. Truth be told, I hadn't heard him at the time, but now, I was annoyed.

"Pyro, I know it's embarrassing being a fire user and all who can manage passion equal only to insects breeding, but is it really that hard to give a girl a break around here. Not to mention, your ego."

Everyone stared at me, dumbfounded, for a moment, before bursting out laughing. Eddie was on the floor, Lissa was practically crying, Mia was doing a very un-ladylike snort, and Christian just looked pissed, but with a hint of a smile in his eyes. Dimitri was grinning, and I looked confused.

Lissa managed to get herself under control long enough to speak, and said, "Rose, it's great to have you back. Even if Christian was your first victim." _And by the way_, she added through the bond,_ he is a little better than an insect in the bedroom. _I just winked at her, which set her off laughing again, and this time, I joined in too.

Then I realised something. I stopped laughing suddenly, and people turned to look at me worriedly.  
"I'm hungry, Lissa, do you have any doughnuts?"  
After another 5 minutes of hysterical laughter, we eventually calmed down. Eddie and Mia excused themselves first, after hugging us and giving their congratulations. It was like we were engaged or something, which I guess we sort of were. After all, we had just pledged our lives to each other, but without the wedding part.

Once they had gone, Lissa ran over to me and gave me a huge, bone crushing hug, which I returned. Christian shook Dimitri's hand and did the weird guy shoulder-bump.  
Then Lissa threw herself at Dimitri, and Christian stood awkwardly in front of me. But I wasn't having any of that. I pulled him into a giant hug, and he returned it.

In his ear I whispered, "Good boy, making up with Lissa. If not I would have had to rip your balls off." He stiffened, and I laughed quietly. "Seriously, though. Don't hurt her like that again."

He pulled away and looked at me. "Never again. I can't live without her, either. It was torture."

"Good. I missed having you around, Bro." All snarkiness was missing from my voice, and he replied

"You too, Rose." In his normal voice, he said "Doesn't mean I'm going to cut you a break, now that you're back to normal."  
I looked back at him with mock anger and shock. "When was I ever 'normal'? I was always amazing."

Dimitri and I left a few minutes later, heading back to my room. It was more of a suite really, with a bathroom, living room, small kitchen and bedroom. I led him through to the bedroom, and sat down onto the bed.

As the door closed behind us, he pulled out a paper bag from the pocket of his duster, and held it out to me. I looked inside.  
"Doughnuts? How the hell did you get hold of these?"

"Guardian secrets." He replied, grinning, echoing something he had said to me once before.

Whilst I shoved them into my mouth as if I hadn't eaten in a week, (to be fair, it wasn't too far off it),  
he walked over to my mirror, where he looked at a photo taped to the glass.  
When I had finished, I walked over to stand beside him. He wrapped an arm around my waist, and I leaned into his side.

"How long has this been here?" He asked.  
The photo was of me and him, smiling happily into the camera. It was one of his rare full smiles; I had said something to him that had made him happy before I had taken the picture. I was just happy being so close to him. It was taken back at St. Vladimir's, during the field experience, just 2 days before the attack.

"It was the first think I put up when I moved into this room, before I even unpacked."  
He stayed silent for a moment, before asking; "How did Adrian feel about seeing this?"

"He never came into my bedroom. We just stayed in the living room, or went to his room. This room was my place to get away from everything, where I didn't have to put on a smile and act like everything was fine. I think they all knew that, which is why only Lissa would come in here."

He turned to look at me then, and pulled something out of his pocket. Opening his wallet, he pulled something out from behind his Court ID card. It was the same picture; I had given him a copy when I had got mine printed. Using the school printers of course, and the most expensive photo paper I had been able to find (steal) from the office. Well, that close to graduation, I wanted to squeeze every penny I could out of St. Vlads, and it wasn't like I could eat much more than I already did.

The photo was dog-eared, I could see that it had been taken out and put away again many times.  
"You kept it?" Somehow, after everything we'd been through, I kinda expected him to have done everything he could to cut his ties from me.

"Of course. I always loved you, even as..." He took a deep breath, "Even as a Strigoi, I wanted you. And now, I love you and need you more than ever. You saved me, brought me back to who I was. In more ways than one. And you found it in your heart to forgive me. I always thought of you as my angel, and now I swear that must be true, as only an angel could forgive me for what I've done." I just stared at him, incapable of coherent speech. The things this man did to me.

"My Roza, my guardian angel."  
I couldn't begin to think of an answer to that, so instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself as close to him as was physically possible. As our lips met, I remembered how our auras had lit up the last time, and smiled against his lips.

"What are you smiling at?" He murmured, not breaking the contact.  
I pulled away, and looked into his beautiful eyes. "I missed you so much, and I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have this again. I love you."

He shook his head, like he knew some great secret that I didn't.  
"What? What are you thinking?"

"It's just that you think you're the lucky one. I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms, who travelled to the other side of the world and back for me, and did the impossible to save my soul, and still wants me after I pushed her away. You are perfect, and you're _mine_." He said in disbelief.

"Perfect? I look like I haven't eaten or slept in a week, wearing no make-up, and am grinning like a fool. No, I think you're perfect."

"I missed your smile, and the fact that I can still make you happy is yet another miracle to add to my list."

"Our list." I corrected. "Our list of miracles for the heavenly creatures we are." I remembered the time we made snow angels by the gas station, and knew he was remembering it too.  
We kissed again, this time not stopping for long conversations.

Several hours later, I lay with him in my bed, pressed against his bare chest, his arms around my waist.  
"Я так тебя люблю Дмитрий." (I love you so much Dimitri)  
He stiffened in surprise, and looked down at me questioningly.

"I picked up a few things in Russia. Viktoria didn't have the same reservations about teaching me as you did."

"Я тоже тебя люблю Роза" (I love you too, Roza)  
I smiled evilly. "She even taught me the swear words." He just shook his head, not bothering to grace my comment with an answer. But I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

We lapsed into silence for a little while longer. I was content just listening to his heartbeat, just drowning in his scent and his warmth. I hadn't felt this happy since the night in the cabin, and that had been the best point in my life, until now. Tonight had eclipsed it completely. To go from such a low point, losing everything, to getting it all back, had been more than I ever expected. Absence truly had made the heart grow fonder; I appreciated every little thing so much more now. And now that he was back in my arms, I didn't intend to ever let him go.

"You know, you're never going to be able to get away from me again. Because I'm never letting you go." I said, sighing in contentment.

"I'll be holding onto you tighter. I love you, and I will never leave you again. I promise. I'm yours."

"I love you to Dimitri. Forever and always."

"I love you too, Roza. Навсегда и всегда."

* * *

**That's it, everyone! Thanks again to everyone who's read or reviewed this story, you're all brilliant :) The next story will be up soon. Bye!**


End file.
